grrr..

oh my goodness. these people are really getting off my nerve. i was there just because i felt obliged to be there as your effing relative. now you've made me feel like puking everytime i see your butt-gly face.

peeps, now you see why mingling with relatives is always an issue for me. too bad, my threshold of patience towards them is set extremely low.

post-script: pardon my language.

another good year

kek gula hangus and oreo ice blended were not bad at all. it might look pretty awful up there but seriously, it's helluva dee-lish-ess meal i had for birthday breakfast!

big sister bought this for me, big apples. they were scrumptious but it made me silently miss jogja j.co inside.
i know this time will be pretty boring as we do not actually celebrate birthday as in throwing a birthday boy/girl a party and no good friends around or charades or rsvp invitation on facebook but this year, my birthday here with family is freaking awesome because of this,

thank you ma. this is awesome awesome awesome.

what a splendid year!

anyhow, it is another year of hijr calendar and i wish all of us to be granted and blessed with another chance of great ni'mat and rahmat ahead. happy 1432H!

wishlist

i know it's pretty too late to tell ya my birthday wish list here because people won't bother much to buy me any now, but why would them?

anyhow, screw this. it's my big day. i guess i deserve today as it's all about me day. so peeps, now i present you the list.

1. friends complete series 1-10 dvd box set
yeah, it's pretty lame but seriously, i love friends very much. i locked up myself in my room and i even called off my day out with friends just to watch friends marathon series on tv. i ditched my friends for friends, how ironic is that? lol

2. chilewich messenger bag
whether it's tote, briefcase, camera bag or hand bag, i think every man needs a bag. me myself cannot stand having handphone bulging out from my front pocket or wallet sticking on my butt. seriously. and i've came across this bag. the design is not too loud and very classy, i must say. i think it's awesome and someone should get me one because i have no freaking idea where the hell can i get this in malaysia.

3. ray-ban's aviator sunglasses
damn i was born with flat nose and no glasses on earth will look fine on me. but once again what the heck, today is my big day. i want them because they are aviators and they are ray-ban. period. anyhow, it's filthy expensive for you to give me a good nose-job out there, so i guess a pair of ray-ban is a better deal.

4. canon's digital slr camera
regardless my awful photography skills, i've always wanted this one. for the time being, i am not attaching you what canon model i want because as the time goes by, i know canon always come up with promising model. and fyi jonathan canlas is always my favorite and my so called mentor but pardon me he is actually infamous for his film photography, not digital (lol blond moment).

5. iphone 4
it's awesomely awesome, enough said.


peeps, the list can actually go on and on and on and on until you people can pass out reading it, but to think back i'd just keep it up to only five, because i believe life is not about what are your wishes but, it's actually how you go for them. so, will you put on efforts or, patiently wait for another shooting star to across the midnight sky?

happy birthday to me and to all december 3 babies around the world.

alhamdulillah...

photo credit here, here, here, here and here

do sacrifice

i must say, though, this is totally absurd, the same thing is now really getting under my skin, just like previous years. i am a social retard. mingling and socializing with relatives and old friends have always been my big problem. i do love them, but i just cannot help myself feeling intimidated and awkward. my inferiority complex easily grows just like that. yes peeps, i know this is silly but this is my Achilles heel.

anyhow, don't get me wrong, i do love festivals especially eids. they always bring happiness. so, in conjunction with the festival of sacrifice that we are celebrating tomorrow, i think i now have a sacrifice to make. wish me luck!

Happy Eid al-Adha!

of six decades and two years

i am always a stubborn kid to you. but trust me, from the bottom of my heart, i am always that kid who never stop loving you. Happy 62nd Birthday Ma!

a day before merapi's first eruption

i've skipped a lot of important phases of my life here. one of them is the fact that i've graduated and officially no longer a medical student. it was a big thing actually had happened to me since i've been tagged as a student for twenty freaking years.

while many people at my age are driving their own cars, enjoy strolling with spouses and kids at park and malls, exhausted looking at bills and taxes, i am to be seen sweating on upcoming exams, overspending his scholarship money that eat him alive and leave him penniless, stalking people on facebook and envy friends because it is so easy for them to get this and that. and now, yeay! me, i am a step away from those stages.

anyhow, all the years of sweat, tears, hardwork(?), laughter has paid off! Alhamdulillah.. and allow me to share with you some photos of my oath-taking ceremony on last October 27.

and i swear i will never stop making you proud.

day 15

have a happy married life, bucit!

i've made it. so peeps, that was my first high-school friend's wedding I attended. it was good to see old friends and keep up with their latest updates. everyone seems doing good now. it was utterly nice and to see few good friends showing up with their life-partners and kids, really put a smile to my face. it was beautiful! kudos to you guys! you earned it!

anyway, since i am back here for good, don't get annoyed first, this is just the beginning of me, bugging you guys!

photo credit goes to jali the 'saru' dentist

'i am attending'

I am so ecstatic to press the 'I'm attending' button of my fellow schoolmates' wedding receptions' invitations on facebook. Yes peeps, after more than 5 years being here, I am now going back for good really soon! No more heavyhearted feeling when looking at the invitations and no more '... and I wish you a happy married life' over the facebook walls.

Will drop by again because I obviously have so much things to share. See you around peeps!

Did you know that ...

... my dear laptop is currently out of service after a minor accident while I was doing my outside rotation?

... or, now I am in my last week of clinical rotation and my final exam is just around the corner?

... or, my definition of 'just around the corner' is actually this Saturday?

... or, a terrible lazy virus just brutally infected me for the past few days? And now watching glee like no other's business?

... or, I am also having a mild fever, runny nose and mild headache?

What a 'purrrrr-fect' timing!

amer

lets air-five! *whoopish!!*

It is such an honour to have you as one of my housemates. Good luck in your ventures ahead and be a good pharmacist.

So long, we'll see you on your wedding day, perhaps!

1957-2010

she is striking a pose with her sisters

I know. Our history subject that I've learned in my school years contained many corrupted stuffs so that particular parties can keep their noses clean (and this comes from a guy who scored C in SPM haha) But, what the heck. I still love the fact that my country is celebrating her 53rd independence day! Happy 'Merdeka' Malaysia! Keep on standing in the eyes of the world, baby.

photo credit here

not care two straws

We are neighbors and our mother-tongues share a lot in common but there are some that can be very misleading to such inappropriate context because of the different meanings.

I have an example.

In my place, the word bubar means 'to abrogate or call off' but here, it is a short form of buka bareng which literally means 'breaking of fasting together'. Speaking of which, that was what we had this evening! We went to Nanamia Pizza where my drinks was awesome, the pizzas were phenomenon and not to forget, my oven baked potato was legendary! But, the most important was having those with your local friends without feeling intimidated for the recent crisis that erupted between our countries. The best part was that we still can laugh over the same pan of pizzas when no one had to feel disheartened. On the recent problem, lets those who know way better than us do their job.

To my fellow group-mates, I know I've never been a good team-mate to you, but seriously you guys surely will be missed.

working with superior

How I wish my superiors in future are all casual and laid back creatures so I don't have to literally bow down everytime talking to them. Not to say I am giving no respects but, I believe some people just has corrupted the definition of politeness which results to a unnecessary tension or not-so-friendly atmosphere of junior-senior communication. For me, insulting or shouting at them is rude but stopping and stooping whenever you are walking by them on the same hallway is simply ridiculous and nonsense. Small talk and friendliness are harmless, though.

I'm pretty sure workload and responsible as a houseman is stressful enough, so to work and learn with people in an unfriendly vibe is not very much helpful I guess.

photo credit here

impossibility

Life is very wonderful, especially when you have to take no time to be in it. But, it's not always rainbow and butterflies ahead. I've created mess because I've attracted to mess, so I guess I've to get my own back here. At this point in time, it just makes me thinking why all of this happened in the first place. So far I could remember, when I was nodding my head, I think I was just plain stupid and when I was shouting 'let's do it!', I should have thought twice, thrice or even four times!

photo credit here

month of blessing

O ye who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, that ye may (learn) self-restraint. (2:183)

I am sorry for taking me 15 nights to wish all my Muslim readers "Happy Fasting!". May Allah give us His support in this world and in the hereafter.

look at the stars, look how they shine at you

It is either being a man with plain emotions is actually difficult or is it me that I am not man enough. To be frank, the latter sounds much like me. I've had promised to myself not to wear my heart on the sleeves this time, but peeps, it was much more difficult than said. I've had to suck up lots of awkward/inappropriate moments and the worse part is, some were the result of my fault and I've had to struggle just to taste my own medicine. Well at least, there were lessons I have learned. With many hearts to take care of, sometimes you cannot always be too much self-centered because the world is just not moving around you, man.

To cut long story short, previous weeks have not been quite nice to me.

On the other note, things actually is turning upside down. Piles of works are waiting and stacks of chapters need to be covered. Everything and everything must be settled by Oct, 11 and this has put me in a difficult zone, since my final exam is only two weeks before deadline. I am seriously keeping my fingers crossed now so that it can be done in only one go, Amen. If everything runs well, on Oct, 27 I'll be attending my oath-taking ceremony and going back to Malaysia on the next two days for good.

It is fifth week already and still have another 5 to kill kill bang bang!

tik tok tik tok

I'll be running off my feet and putting my shoulder to the wheel because the real countdown has just begun and this, is the last turn of the screw. Seriously, I feel like screaming my lungs out now. Too many possibilities running through my head and most of them seem not very happy-ending to me. I am aware that I'm thinking way too much and pessimism is no way can help me outta here. I don't want to be frightened with my own shadow, so lets keep our fingers crossed so that my last department will knock my socks off!

Lots and lots of breakdown, feeling disheartened or disgusted I'll be encountering along the way but for the next 2 months, I've promised to myself to not wearing my heart on my sleeves. My sands of time is running out, so I guess I should always keep myself on track. Nonsense, they can just kiss my behind.

And yes, I am expecting big from this department. I can't wait to finish this off and say, God, I'm so want to be an internist!

Department fourteen (the very last one!): Internal Medicine

hair-cut

For people like me (who are not very much good-looking), you should be extra careful for experiments or changes that you do on yourself. This is because we are living in a cruel world and the game we are playing now is deadly knock-out. So, the result will always be either you'll turn out just O.K or ... absolutely filthy hideous! That's all. Anyway, there are numerous times I actually scored the latter and yes, I'm slightly proud of this.

People around me might have known me well for crazy phases of hair-do that I have for this 5 years. Longish, wavy, spikey, short, mo-hawk, semi-mo-hawk, straight, skin-head etc surely have made everyone cringe, but to my defense, they are only for fun's sake and I am not trying to impress anyone.

But for my new hair-cut that I've just had today, is exclusively for my upcoming department which is not very cool with long hair male doctor *sigh*

colony

This is not easy for me. I ran out of words after she imparted me the news. Now, life ahead seems bleaker with each passing moment since yesterdays have taught us that the way we working wasn't working. Before people jump to a lot of conclusions, let me get this very straight. I have nothing personal with them. They are all good, in fact very good I must say. But too bad, I am not very cool about that. Very simple, huh? (and hell yes, very hoggish too!)

To think back, there were times I actually used to pray for those and I guess God has just answered me. He is doing His job, for which I am pretty sure He always has a better plan for us, if we only take the time and be patient. But if this is some kind of test God giving me, He will never put more on us who can't bear.

Wish me luck!

post-script: i hate nobody. period.

'fun-key' lappy

how I wish you could stay a little bit longer...

My 'back-space' key is still functioning well but feels weird once you press it. I guess the age has started taking its toll. I have been using this laptop since my first year in Indonesia. We've been going through the ups and downs together and seen many things happened to him (yes, it's a male) as he silently knew lots of breakdown I've been through. When I first bought my iPod Touch a year ago, I thought we were going to stand aloof. But I was wrong, he is irreplaceable.

Now, the 'space-bar' key acts the same and even funnier because when I hit it, it will be embedded inside the board for a minute and then suddenly.. pop up by itself.

a heartbeat away

I thought it was just another phone call. We talked and listened to each other jabbering on everything and anything as usual. But, this morning was surprisingly 'something' when Ma forgot to end the call from her phone. For which allowing me to eavesdrop Ma talking to Baba on my cousin's post cholecystitis treatment and from far, I could hear Kak Ti chuckling when my little niece muttering to her sister how terrible her breakfast was.

I pressed the 'end-call' button and started to cry.

Aedes-busters

There are things that you could not avoid no matter how much they are sticking in your throat. Even though you keep saying to yourself when it's done, it's done, it is still there, lingering around the corner. Hence I guess our forefathers couldn't be more right when they said, 'if it's meant to be, it's meant to be'. That is what happening to me when it comes to research/study. Here in my medical school, we ought to finish at least three studies on anything related to medicine. There are numerous subjects on earth that actually related to medical stuffs. It ranges from everything to everything and it would take me a day to list them all. Yet, it seems they have left me no options here - Aedes sp is the only perfect match to me and we have been together for so long.

My very first study was to see larvacidal effect of methanol extract of sour sop seeds on Aedes aegypti larvae. A year later in KKKM, we did a brief research to identify what are risk factors of Chikungunya fever which apparently the main vector of the disease is Aedes sp. Then came public health department and we randomly allocated ourselves to some place where Dengue fever is a solemn problem there. And again, we have to survey locals' awareness, attitude and behavior toward Dengue and the vector - Aedes sp. Can someone enlighten me what is it with me and this parasites?

Anyway, statistics, parasitology, and research are really utterly not my strong suit. No matter how cool they look, I still have doubt on myself to enroll in this field. hmmm...

Department thirteen: Original members combating Aedes sp.

Ole!

There goes my teams. For Argentina that has been brutally tumbled out by Germany in the quarter final and then in the final game this morning, it was de Oranje's turn to swallow the bitter ugly truth after Andreas Iniesta rocked Stekelenburg's goal. Of course that has put me very down in the mouth so bad but let's get over it and cut this losses even tho things will be slightly different after this. There will be no more matches to look forward, team to bitch about or dragging our feet in the middle of night to nearby cafe for the sake of your favourite team are playing. World cup is such a true bliss, I might add.

stay there until Euro 2012

it's just another stop in my life

Do you know how it feels to see your first niece enjoying her first day as an undergraduate student while you are still here and haven't finished your first degree yet? I feel OLD, very old indeed. Anyhow, all the best to you, young lady for all the venture ahead and please, never stop making us proud!

Ainur and her high-school friends.

Speaking of which, I am on my way to make you and our family proud too. It's getting closer and closer and seriously, time now is moving extremely fast for which sometime I wish I can freeze few seconds so that I can get myself more prepared. But, life is about series of unexpected events, so to hell with it and let's face it!

I've just wrapped up my ear, nose and throat department and now enrolling myself into public health for another two weeks. I've had a good time in ENT with doctors, residents and of course, my awesome fellow group-mates. We've gained a lot of new experiences there, from the simplest common cold or executing cotton bud out of your ear canal to the calamitous Wegener's syndrome that horribly destroyed your nose.

Department twelve: Us, trying to charade ear, nose and throat.

Vamos vamos

I am not into football. I've been playing few times before and very damn sure I suck at kicking/holding/dribbling/passing the ball. It is just thing that I could not do like the back of my hand. Pity me!

Anyhow, it is world cup season and you wouldn't be surprised if I am really crazy about it now. In fact, I don't remember ever since I've started to fan Argentina and Netherlands national team this much. Both for me has come up with totally different tactics and strategies which incredibly have been proved in previous international qualification/friendship matches that they are there and ready to fight for the title this year. Both have great line up and both are top-notch and now, I am just rooting any of them to walk away with the cup. Waka waka!

the waltz instructor

photo credit here

the unattached's confession part I

This is too much, man. Six friends of mine just tied the knot to their life-partners on the same day yesterday, and this makes more than 10 of my friends have ended their bachelorhood just in June! Phew! Surely I'd have gone crazy if I was there and to be stuck between a rock and a hard place which wedding to attend as all of them is my good friends. Apparently, I was here and have a strong valid reason for couldn't make it. Bah! (Anyhow, I miss to be there and to rejoice the heart being with your old good friends because wedding is no doubt the perfect place to gather, and now I hate them for that!)

Peeps, talking about people at my age getting married (and even starting a family) makes me silently thinking how grown up am i now. It seems like just yesterday graduating from high school, hemming and hawing which course suits me better or blowing out my 19th birthday cake candles. Good grief, time moves too fast! Sometimes life is too pushy and it'd sound even ridiculous if any decisions that i will take in the near future is solely just because of that stupid peer pressure, he he.. (such a lame excuse from a guy who being single for six freaking years ha ha whatever!)

To all my friends who have just ended their bachelorhood and finally got married, I myself wish you a very happy married life!

K.K.K.M

These are what I've been doing for the past 6 weeks.

Department eleven: Community Health Field Study

There, we've been getting ourselves familiar with the so-not-systematic system (and a bumpy freaking ride!), battling with Chikungunya fever and the vector, Ae. albopictus, managing patients with a broad range of limitation and of course, all of these has left us with a tantalizing and mouth-watering desire to return!

On a personal level, the experience was priceless.

post-script: thanks to my great comrade for being there when times get too tough (and rough!). You just make it easier.

the singing doctor

Thanks to my two dear friends so that I could witness with my very own eyes a superb performance by this local powerhouse musician, Tompi when I almost gave up hope actually.

Performance that has brought down the house that night.

obsession

May 16, 2008

May 9, 2009

May 8, 2010

the vocalist, the bass-player, the gig and the fanatics a.k.a sheilaganks .. this is the easiest way to experience euphoria. What's yours?

a good ritual

it was a very fine night to enjoy dinner with my other 9 friends last night. we had a good laugh catching up on some snippets and latest gossip over dim sum fest. fyi, that was not the first time, in fact we did that many times before and reminiscing on a lot of stupid yet funny memories about each other had never bored us much. we laughed like no others business but end up no one felt disheartened. we know there will be another 'reunion' and the same topics will be discussed all over again, but we could not even care less. we believe this viscous cycle that can keep us alive here. good laugh, good food, good company, what else could you ask for?

post exam syndrome

my exam is over. i screwed up here and there but o what the heck, holiday is just way important to me. and talking about how idiot was i just now is really destroying the mood. i was startling like a 5 year old boy and sweating like a pig inside his room. all this while, i have been busy preparing myself with everything about immature senile cataract but end up getting bombarded with questions of congenital cataract which is apparently obviously not my cup of tea. anyway, a big thank you to my generous examiner who really loves me so much and still passes me. i think he might see a good fortune in me. bah!

post-script: when i was telling you i have been busy preparing myself with everything about IMSC, it was actually a big lie.

tough decision

peeps. lets do some statistics here. out of 10 people, 9 of them are those who cannot make decisions. they are trying to be declarative but still so innocently indecisive. and to fulfill the puzzle, you seriously depend on that one and only friend who is a natural decision-maker.

o well. i am one of those 9 and i do have lots of friends who happen to share the same trait with me. we are all the followers and leading is too much to handle. i guess that is the real world that we are living in now. yin and yang, does that ring a bell?

we have always came at the situation where decision-making is a massive trouble. sometimes, we did not even know where and what to have for lunch for God's sake. some will just keep the mouth shut during the whole conversation, and some will come out with stupid ideas which is actually list of place where not to have lunch. but the most annoying are those who will still have the guts objecting decisions instead of contributing ideas.

life is a roller coaster

peeps. i thought life is easy. but i was wrong. life is utter difficult i must say. and i thought 2010 will promise me lots of good things but apparently i have been offered with lots of breakdown for the past 4 months. i have no idea how many times i have mentioned to myself "i am at the lowest point of my life''. i bitch about almost everything, especially when it comes to outside rotation. everything seems unpleasant to me. bed, hostel, water, weather, food, oh i am like the bitchiest cry baby bitch boy ever. but, at the end of the day, i know i just secretly miss my hometown so bad.

anyhow, i am in holiday week now but argh screw exam, i have to see my examiner, an ophthalmologist tomorrow morning. eyes are just too micro for me which make things crystal-clear that i will not make a good ophthalmologist. period.

Department ten: Ophthalmology

photo credit here

*sigh*

... yes, I'm screwing up friendship like I've always done. (yes, please laugh in my face if you feel so)

post-script: I am deeply sorry if I ever disappointed/irritated/hurt you. Indeed, I do.

Feel like my heart is going to burst

... when you can't just express your true emotions. For the record, I do not like everything about what's going on. And, living by the rules of "oh-I'm-OK-I-don't-mind" is really killing me now from inside.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Troubleshooting

Q:Why being an introvert in real world is utter difficult?

A:It's because our world LOVES extroverts.

Having no fun here

Department nine: Department of Psychiatry

Meeting with those who really live in their own world, suicide is the one and only option left, fellow junkies, etc did flip my perspective towards mental disorders to the other side.

photo credit here

Lesson of the day

I've learned a lesson today. There are reasons why it's inappropriate to ask people's sex life.

It's either they might not do well sexually and do not want the whole world knows about it or they do not want to take you down a peg just because they are way way way better than you.

Obviously sex life above is just and only an example.

... and i'm not a terrorist

This is the perfect couple on screen and has never never NEVER disappointed me anytime. Their next project is coming soon (February 11) and I'm DYING to watch it.

hopefully this will exceed my expectation

photo credit here

The tweety

If I am ever an active Twitter, today will be the day I tweet for like every 5 minutes or less whining on how devastating my current life is, and these are some of them:

I skipped my dental appointment on purpose.

I think I've to watch my waistline back. It's getting hideous I tell you.

I say my financial status is at crucial. Another penny spent will cost me bankruptcy.

I do not want to meet dr Ahmad at any costs. I haven't studied and that darned facebook is the culprit.

I am indecisive between to cut or not to cut my unruled hair.

I did not reload my prepaid balance because I have insufficient savings. Oh dear me.

I feel like puking when reading at my own Twitter now. This made me hate my life very very much.

I think I should stop now.

Good night.

womb

she looked perfectly normal just like other seventeen year old girls. with no complains of fever, infection or palpable masses, she calmly explained how she never experienced menstruation throughout her life. this was bothersome she told us.

an ultrasound scan of her reproductive organ revealed a dismaying problem. the two functional ovaries are there but no signs of womb. it is totally not formed.

tears came to her eyes as she knew this congenital malformation causes pregnancy will be impossible for her in future. she will never enjoy motherhood like her girl friends will do someday.

she was paralyzed with affliction.

post-script: it is Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser Syndrome. estimated to occur 1 in 5000.

Department eight: Obstetric and gynecology

photo (cervical cancer awareness ribbon) credit here

goodbye new year

hooray! the first day of new year is about to over and leaves no more guilt feeling behind for not resolving any resolutions. in fact, i've just treated today just like another ordinary day.

anyhow, today is another fine day. finally i manage to watch a nice movie in cinema. a big thank you to mr ritchie.

an adroit tag-team : sherlock holmes and dr watson

photo credit here

hello new year

happy new year from yogyakarta indonesia!

may this year be very kind to us all. and of course, this will be another round to make Ma and Baba proud.

there goes a belief. things that you do on the first day of the year are things that you are going to do for the rest of year.

so peeps. carefully watch every step you take today and have a nice day.

hello new year

i enclose you my secret tartar sauce recipe.

you gently mix mayonnaise together with minced onions, lemon squeeze, salt and pepper in a bowl and then leave it in fridge for at least 1 hour. pickle can boost the taste and do add if you are anywhere but here. it is freaking hard to find one i tell you. and please please do not ask the amount of lemon and onions i've used. it was solely relying on instinct and taste buds.

about the party, everything was not as euphoric as previous year. but the "win or lose draw" game part was classic. enough said.

happy new year peeps!