Stammer?

I don't know which one is my real problem. It is either my English is getting worse and worse or I have a stammer. Or, I have both? Or, the stammer is because of the trouble getting out English words (because my English is poor)? I also don't know.

I hate myself. I know I don't have any kind of speech disorders, but being such a big loser. I am scared to speak English. I am scared if people laugh at my pronunciation. I am scared if people gossip with others how suck my English is. I am scared to death to look stupid. See. How loser I am. And let this bad mentality ruin my future. So pathetic. In fact, I am surrounded with friends who give me so much support.

I do not love myself until I do something to improve my English.

And, to fake having stammer just because cannot speak English is so not cool. Remember that.